T's Blog Point Zero Zero One Two

So it’s been a while…

I know I know…

Call me slack…

However I’ll blame the festive season and anything else that’s an easy target…

But let’s move on shall we.

Cause that’s what life does,

whether you’re actively a part of it,

watchin it,

or being completely oblivious to it,

Time just keeps on tickin by.

So my statement is…

STOP wasting MY GOD DAMN peeps!

This will definitely offend, but in some way you’ll thank me cause at some stage I’ll save you that 55c postage on next years Christmas Card, or invite you were going to send me for your upcoming party…

But as 2011 rolled on round instead of making New Years resolutions that are meant to aid in “bettering yourself” and give you “you time” I realized that that shit is a waste of time and rather than adding to your to-do list, you should clean the clutter from your current to-do list.

The top 10 learnt in 2010 not to be repeated in 2011…

  1. If you invite me to a Baby shower – I’m not going to come. No matter how lovely you are as a person, I’m not as lovely as you and can not come to terms with boob, belly or baby talk.

  1. Hairdressing appointments are not needed every 6 weeks so no – I won’t be back or answer your calls to return, cause I’m not over due for a haircut. If you’d done your job properly in the first place the cut should at least see me through the season so I’ll see you on the flip side.

  1. Polite small talk to beauticians will not be made. You are the most excruciating part of my life – (seriously - hot hot wax repeatedly on tender tender bits never gets easier) I don’t want to be there. Any conversation that arises will not cover the situation I’m currently in.

  1. The above point applies to small children.

  1. Fashion shop assistants – If I don’t like what I see in the mirror your two bobs worth will not make me buy it. To stop you talking and save my time, the dressing room door or curtain will be pulled shut in front of your face

  1. Creepy crawlies will not slowly be snuck up and recruited into a cup or container, saved and set free outside, they will be squashed dead within a second if they are in my personal space.

  1. Puppies and pooches win hands down… no conversations will be had about dogs v’s cats.

  1. This next point did surprise me…

I believe it shows a level of maturity I never thought I’d obtain…

When punting…

Research really does not help…

It consumes your time, confuses you, causes backtracking, re-analysing and generally a trifecta bet which guarantees no return on investment.

So stick with gut feel and go each way.

  1. Crankiness is tedious and ugly. Think of all those pictures that grab you off guard, making a face protesting about the photo. Argh! That’s how others see you every time you’re whinging and bitching about something. So stop it, get over it, laugh and giggle at it. Muuuuucccchhh better photo op and face for life and easier for me to like you.

  1. If you can do two things at once…

Do it!

Think about it…

Time is precious...

So…

· If you can enjoy chocolate and chocolate chips… do so

· Strawberries alone or, strawberries dipped in chocolate

· Family catch up or family catch up with fine food and wine!

· Facebook one friend whilst on the phone to another…

Cmon…

You know you could get away with it…

Test yourself…

You’ll be surprised…

And it’s hilarious when you fu*% things up, get caught out and have to

explain yourself!

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