T's Come-Back Blog
For those of you that have known me throughout the years...
The teenage years...
Throughout my 20’s...
And now in my 30’s...
You would be aware that there have been 3 constants in my life.
1) My dislike for young humans
2) My fear of flying animals, insects, mutants, whatever has the power to hover above my head, and
3) That my feet are the most beautiful part of my body.
They have always been stunning.
Naturally stunning.
Not over the top pampered pedicures and polish every week.
On the odd occasion I may have had a lovely little Asian or Pilipino lady, child, she-man scrub them back, buff them up and put a coat of colour on them.
But in general, I am lucky enough to state that I have been blessed with ah la natural proportionate and impressive looking feet.
Some people, when asked about their most endearing feature may feel awkward and shy away from answering.
Some may have eyes that glisten so brightly you already know it’s that levitating twinkle in their eyes that is their best feature.
Others may have a smile that as soon it attempts to creep out from behind the tiny slit appearing in their lips, their whole face kind of just lifts, busts out and grabs on in the face, slaps you around, and turns the corners of your own lips upwards.
Some women are lucky enough (naturally or surgically enhanced) to have boobs that simply sit.
Yep – just sit there.
Upright and Cute.
Like a Labrador in training.
Keen and eager to impress, but also aware that too much leaping and bounding will get them and their owners into all kinds of trouble.
For me... it’s always been my feet.
They are perfect size of my height.
No cluster of man hair on the knuckles.
The big toes are shaped like one of those ornamental head wobbling dash board figurines. Slender base with a wider, padded head, ready and raring to wiggle around and then take the weight to balance out the rest of the foot.
The remaining toes run descending in height.
Yes, that's right, no weird-arse long “look at me I’m intelligent” second toe.
And not all squashed together either, where the poor toes uf some people have to sit on-top of one another and grow old and crooked.
Nor are they all spread out like a windmill, ready to trip over any poor pass-a-by who’s just trying to share the foot path with you.
I don’t have an arch of a ballerina, but it’s not flat like Big Dog’s either. It’s just right.
My heels aren’t layered with old skin that could grind down and craft a sawed-off shotty.
And my ankles are exactly that – ankles.
No kankles, tankles or netball crankles.
BUT...
There has been a recent “development”...
Left foot.
Middle toe.
Nail.
Not sure what the trigger was – either I hooked my poor dear tootsies on the end of the coffee table one night, dropped some block work on it, or it’s possibly a dance move injury. Unsure.
However, left foot, middle toe nail now looks like a Quad Burger from Hungry Jacks.
It’s like the nail turned purple (from the impact/damage) and should have peeled off,
But it’s hung on!
It doesn’t want to go!
And to compensate, it’s gone gang busters on growth – but rather than growing in length it grew in depth.
This bad boy is thick I tells ya!
Now... the “replacement” nail has also come out to say G’day.
It’s trying to squeeze itself out between the bottom bun and first paddy.
I'm proud of the little fella's show of strength and determination, but the superficial side of me is just like "You're ugly!"
My poor feet and I just aren’t sure where to go to from here.
We’re contemplating self surgery...
A bit like the good old days when that wiggly tooth just wouldn’t fall out.
But your older brother, a bit of fishing line and the bedroom door swing could always fix the problem...
How do I return my feet to their previous state of perfection???
a) Let nature take its own course.
b) Intersect god damn nature, get some clippers and get crafty! or
c) Call Nina Proudman and ask for some advice? It's’s getting serious down there!
The teenage years...
Throughout my 20’s...
And now in my 30’s...
You would be aware that there have been 3 constants in my life.
1) My dislike for young humans
2) My fear of flying animals, insects, mutants, whatever has the power to hover above my head, and
3) That my feet are the most beautiful part of my body.
They have always been stunning.
Naturally stunning.
Not over the top pampered pedicures and polish every week.
On the odd occasion I may have had a lovely little Asian or Pilipino lady, child, she-man scrub them back, buff them up and put a coat of colour on them.
But in general, I am lucky enough to state that I have been blessed with ah la natural proportionate and impressive looking feet.
Some people, when asked about their most endearing feature may feel awkward and shy away from answering.
Some may have eyes that glisten so brightly you already know it’s that levitating twinkle in their eyes that is their best feature.
Others may have a smile that as soon it attempts to creep out from behind the tiny slit appearing in their lips, their whole face kind of just lifts, busts out and grabs on in the face, slaps you around, and turns the corners of your own lips upwards.
Some women are lucky enough (naturally or surgically enhanced) to have boobs that simply sit.
Yep – just sit there.
Upright and Cute.
Like a Labrador in training.
Keen and eager to impress, but also aware that too much leaping and bounding will get them and their owners into all kinds of trouble.
For me... it’s always been my feet.
They are perfect size of my height.
No cluster of man hair on the knuckles.
The big toes are shaped like one of those ornamental head wobbling dash board figurines. Slender base with a wider, padded head, ready and raring to wiggle around and then take the weight to balance out the rest of the foot.
The remaining toes run descending in height.
Yes, that's right, no weird-arse long “look at me I’m intelligent” second toe.
And not all squashed together either, where the poor toes uf some people have to sit on-top of one another and grow old and crooked.
Nor are they all spread out like a windmill, ready to trip over any poor pass-a-by who’s just trying to share the foot path with you.
I don’t have an arch of a ballerina, but it’s not flat like Big Dog’s either. It’s just right.
My heels aren’t layered with old skin that could grind down and craft a sawed-off shotty.
And my ankles are exactly that – ankles.
No kankles, tankles or netball crankles.
BUT...
There has been a recent “development”...
Left foot.
Middle toe.
Nail.
Not sure what the trigger was – either I hooked my poor dear tootsies on the end of the coffee table one night, dropped some block work on it, or it’s possibly a dance move injury. Unsure.
However, left foot, middle toe nail now looks like a Quad Burger from Hungry Jacks.
It’s like the nail turned purple (from the impact/damage) and should have peeled off,
But it’s hung on!
It doesn’t want to go!
And to compensate, it’s gone gang busters on growth – but rather than growing in length it grew in depth.
This bad boy is thick I tells ya!
Now... the “replacement” nail has also come out to say G’day.
It’s trying to squeeze itself out between the bottom bun and first paddy.
I'm proud of the little fella's show of strength and determination, but the superficial side of me is just like "You're ugly!"
My poor feet and I just aren’t sure where to go to from here.
We’re contemplating self surgery...
A bit like the good old days when that wiggly tooth just wouldn’t fall out.
But your older brother, a bit of fishing line and the bedroom door swing could always fix the problem...
How do I return my feet to their previous state of perfection???
a) Let nature take its own course.
b) Intersect god damn nature, get some clippers and get crafty! or
c) Call Nina Proudman and ask for some advice? It's’s getting serious down there!
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