T's Blog Point Zero Zero One Seven

Well here goes...


It's a biggie...


And I can't believe it has come to this...




I am not a political person....


I honestly pay little attention and have little interest in anything outside my own 10km radius - or F3 radius for family and friends concerned...


And if it's not impacting me in the next 4- 48 hours...


fill me in again later I say.








Nor am I a religious person....


If they can show me a photo of my god in something other than french toast or a painting (yer - paintings are different to pictures) I might convert...


no...


see that was a lie...


I'm simply no good at this...


I'm aimed south now for that simple statement...





Moving on....








I feel the need to write a letter...


like you used to to Santa Claus!


he was awesome!!!














Dear Julia,

I do not mean to jump on the "green" bandwagon. It's not a colour I prefer... even if it was Rhubarb, purple or cherry... I'm not all aboard any bandwagon...

However...
Hmmmm...

You really need to start doing something.
Anything really!

My suggestion is to go back to the good old 10 Commandments.

These should offer you some GOOD direction (as opposed to playing pin the tail on the donkey, or even I like to think you're more creative than that and are at least playing spin the bottle!)

So...

1) I am Lord - put no other before me.
My father believes he is God so I suggest you give him a call - or skype him - he's pretty high tech and never holds back on offering "guidance"

2) Though shalt not take the lords name in vain.
You truly test this point. Whether it be your predictable blazer and pant attire (seriously Julia - nothing is going to cover that bargy) or your penetrating need to pro.N.O.U.N.C.E every L.E.T.T.E.R in E.V.E.R.Y word... have you forgotten what country ya leadin mate??!?!

3) Keep the holy Sabbath.
No politics on Sunday Jules... None. No media about politics. Definitely no voting. No Sunday papers taking up their own section and front pages. Bring back the Chick chick Boom girl. The Kings Cross underworld. Double tappin even... you guys seriously are not exciting enough to have your own section in Sundays paper... AND take up the front few pages.

4) Honour the father and they mother.
You're a ginge... I know why you don't honour this one.

5) Thy shall not kill.
Hmmm... also believe after a bit of stabby in thy backy you have already committed... you may need to go to confession... and then, as we all do... learn from past mistakes. I'm not perfect Jules. Only this week have I learnt an invaluable lesson about modern technology. Once it's out there.... its OUT THERE!

6) Thy shall not commit adultery.
I reckon you're good with this one... not too sure about your mate Timmy though. Looks like he'd do good in a Deuce Bigalow remake if you ask me.

7) Thy shall not steal.
Put quite simply Jules... STOP F&*K*% taxing me then.

8) Thy shall not offer false witness against thy neighbour.
Who can you see over those hedges at Kirribilli??? However I do know someone that would love to do those hedges... lawns...vege patch...call me.

9) Thy shall not covet they neighbours wife.
Revisit # 6 Jules...
and may I also add...
Being a ginge...
you know what rhymes with that???
You could win heaps of votes if you had a float??!?!
That's all I'm saying.

and finally...

10) Thy shall not covet belongings of they neighbour.
I know we're not neighbours...
But if you were...
I'd like to think that I could share Triple J tunes with you on a Saturday morning...
and potentially the clothes line without you stealing my knickers or leggings...

But the way you're carrying on lately Jules...
I wouldn't even take your rubbish bin to the top of the driveway on a Monday afternoon.

So pick up your act...
Or move on lady...
My Dad's a waitin...
And he's Italian so it wont be any subtle stab in the back

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