T's FIFO Blog #3
Poor Gav.
It had just gone 10am and we were only shortly back from smoko (aka morning tea) and here he was with a reasonable size white square spongey substance (which could pass as Spongebob Square Pants younger cousin, or my Mother's dog - Carl's long lost relative) on the end of pretty pale pink stick being stuck in his mouth and rubbed around the inside of his gums...
Then gently placed to rest under his tongue so that enough saliva would encompass the square white sponge and turn it into a gluggy white blob.
You go through many a course...
Many nonreturnable hours spent staring at the Trainer thinking about the beach or what you forgot to pack.
Many many many power point presentations thinking about the fact that surely newer Utube video's could be found as opposed to the outdated ones they're showing you for the 4th time.
Many many many many many many online "elearning modules" where you can go at your own speed for hours on end until either your right index finger cramps so hard from clicking the "next" button, or your head wobble actually wakes you up because it has just catapulted itself off the top of your upper back and nearly hit the computer screen in front of you...
And many an application form or two to get onto a mine site.
So this "hand-on", "let's get into it" kind of training session already had my attention! The quirky little elderly lady with the funky multi coloured, large retro framed glasses and trendy lob sided hair cut I thought was going to loose this class within the first 30 min. But alas, she was a player from way back. She knew her audience and altered the course accordingly.
Ten points to Christine.
And for the rest of us...
Welcome to the world of Drug and Alcohol Screening training!
But for poor Gav, it got worse.
At smoko I didn't go out and chew the fat with the lads, nor did I schmooze with other contractors in attendance. My stomach had been rumbling since 6am this morning, so besides a cup of coffee my focus was purely to hit the fridge where I had packed, in my little plastic container, with my little plastic spoon, from camp the night before...my slice of heaven...my bit of rich chocolate mud cake, with even richer chocolate icing!
It's become a small addiction since being onsite, and I have used my former life in the fitness industry to educate and convince myself that if I eat it earlier enough in the morning I have the rest of the day to work it off.
Every mouthful sticks to the spoon,
the roof of your mouth,
your teeth,
the side of the little plastic container.
I literally have to restrain myself from licking that god damn container each and everyday once the slice has been consumed.
So having only met big Gav officially 35sec prior to collecting his saliva... He now had the pleasure to return the favour.
"Ere you go Tina"
"It's Tanya"
"Oh. Yer. OK Tanya - do what you gotta do with this"
Said with as much grace and poise as I guy who was the same size as the commercial fridge I just retrieved my cake from, who has skin thicker than a bit of 4x4 and pretty much as much time and patience as an angry German on death row.
How could I refuse.
In went the swab tester.
And 3min later,
Out came a very gluggy blob,
But not so white,
Swab with some remnants of my chocolate cake!
Whoops!
A nice sloppy brown speckled bit of swab ready for drug and alcohol assessment.
Big Gav didn't bat his non existent eye lids (they had disappeared back under his eyebrows at some stage in the 1980's) he went in, gloves and all and picked off my bits of cake from the swab, flicked them off to side and stated "No worries love, I've seen worse than that come out on these things"
That comment alone stunned me more than the initial 2 seconds after seeing my chocolate brown swab tester being presented to Gav only millimetres away from face leaving me nowhere to hide.
It makes you wonder doesn't it!!??!?
What HAD Big Gav actually seen on an oral swab tester??!?!?
The course continued with great deviations from the afore mentioned death by power point standards.
At one stage we all had to pick an occupation far removed from our current ones. To loook at hazards and risks from a new angle - from a new environment. Then associate these new found risks and hazards to how they could be elevated if Drugs and Alcohol were included in the risk analysis.
So, as if on cue, the room went quickly from a room full of Construction and Mining Safety Advisors and HR Representatives to a room full of "apparent" jet pilots, strippers, pole dancers, porn starts, porn star's personal assistants, porn star's makeup artists...
Need I go any further.
The group dynamics had officially "shifted". My moment of indiscretion with left over cake bits was a faint and distant memory. Some of the work place hazards discussed for these scenarios were worthy of Utubing if ever a Kings Cross Parlour wished to release an WHS Safety Induction tutorial.
So when it came time to pee in cup...
Yep! We literally all pee'd in a cup at lunchtime.
Seperate cups - just to be clear.
One each.
Brought it back in from the loo's.
Sat it on our desk.
Directly infront of our pens and workbook.
Where you would of placed your cool "self graffitied" pencil case back in primay school.
And assessed the yellow contents it contained for the next 25min.
It's colour.
It's temperature.
PH levels.
If it had traces of this or that in it.
Looking over at Big Gav who was having difficulties reading the tiny print that showed the temperature of his urine...
after all we had been through...
I felt quite comfortable to reach across,
pick up his cup or urine,
bring it millimetres away from my own face,
so that I could read the small print and advise him...
"Gav, your pee's about 33.5'C"
"Thanks Tanya"
"No worries Gav"
It was just like asking your brother or sister to pass you the gravy across the dinner table.
Christine, as a trainer...
And the rest of us...
Obviously all passed with flying colours.
It had just gone 10am and we were only shortly back from smoko (aka morning tea) and here he was with a reasonable size white square spongey substance (which could pass as Spongebob Square Pants younger cousin, or my Mother's dog - Carl's long lost relative) on the end of pretty pale pink stick being stuck in his mouth and rubbed around the inside of his gums...
Then gently placed to rest under his tongue so that enough saliva would encompass the square white sponge and turn it into a gluggy white blob.
You go through many a course...
Many nonreturnable hours spent staring at the Trainer thinking about the beach or what you forgot to pack.
Many many many power point presentations thinking about the fact that surely newer Utube video's could be found as opposed to the outdated ones they're showing you for the 4th time.
Many many many many many many online "elearning modules" where you can go at your own speed for hours on end until either your right index finger cramps so hard from clicking the "next" button, or your head wobble actually wakes you up because it has just catapulted itself off the top of your upper back and nearly hit the computer screen in front of you...
And many an application form or two to get onto a mine site.
So this "hand-on", "let's get into it" kind of training session already had my attention! The quirky little elderly lady with the funky multi coloured, large retro framed glasses and trendy lob sided hair cut I thought was going to loose this class within the first 30 min. But alas, she was a player from way back. She knew her audience and altered the course accordingly.
Ten points to Christine.
And for the rest of us...
Welcome to the world of Drug and Alcohol Screening training!
But for poor Gav, it got worse.
At smoko I didn't go out and chew the fat with the lads, nor did I schmooze with other contractors in attendance. My stomach had been rumbling since 6am this morning, so besides a cup of coffee my focus was purely to hit the fridge where I had packed, in my little plastic container, with my little plastic spoon, from camp the night before...my slice of heaven...my bit of rich chocolate mud cake, with even richer chocolate icing!
It's become a small addiction since being onsite, and I have used my former life in the fitness industry to educate and convince myself that if I eat it earlier enough in the morning I have the rest of the day to work it off.
Every mouthful sticks to the spoon,
the roof of your mouth,
your teeth,
the side of the little plastic container.
I literally have to restrain myself from licking that god damn container each and everyday once the slice has been consumed.
So having only met big Gav officially 35sec prior to collecting his saliva... He now had the pleasure to return the favour.
"Ere you go Tina"
"It's Tanya"
"Oh. Yer. OK Tanya - do what you gotta do with this"
Said with as much grace and poise as I guy who was the same size as the commercial fridge I just retrieved my cake from, who has skin thicker than a bit of 4x4 and pretty much as much time and patience as an angry German on death row.
How could I refuse.
In went the swab tester.
And 3min later,
Out came a very gluggy blob,
But not so white,
Swab with some remnants of my chocolate cake!
Whoops!
A nice sloppy brown speckled bit of swab ready for drug and alcohol assessment.
Big Gav didn't bat his non existent eye lids (they had disappeared back under his eyebrows at some stage in the 1980's) he went in, gloves and all and picked off my bits of cake from the swab, flicked them off to side and stated "No worries love, I've seen worse than that come out on these things"
That comment alone stunned me more than the initial 2 seconds after seeing my chocolate brown swab tester being presented to Gav only millimetres away from face leaving me nowhere to hide.
It makes you wonder doesn't it!!??!?
What HAD Big Gav actually seen on an oral swab tester??!?!?
The course continued with great deviations from the afore mentioned death by power point standards.
At one stage we all had to pick an occupation far removed from our current ones. To loook at hazards and risks from a new angle - from a new environment. Then associate these new found risks and hazards to how they could be elevated if Drugs and Alcohol were included in the risk analysis.
So, as if on cue, the room went quickly from a room full of Construction and Mining Safety Advisors and HR Representatives to a room full of "apparent" jet pilots, strippers, pole dancers, porn starts, porn star's personal assistants, porn star's makeup artists...
Need I go any further.
The group dynamics had officially "shifted". My moment of indiscretion with left over cake bits was a faint and distant memory. Some of the work place hazards discussed for these scenarios were worthy of Utubing if ever a Kings Cross Parlour wished to release an WHS Safety Induction tutorial.
So when it came time to pee in cup...
Yep! We literally all pee'd in a cup at lunchtime.
Seperate cups - just to be clear.
One each.
Brought it back in from the loo's.
Sat it on our desk.
Directly infront of our pens and workbook.
Where you would of placed your cool "self graffitied" pencil case back in primay school.
And assessed the yellow contents it contained for the next 25min.
It's colour.
It's temperature.
PH levels.
If it had traces of this or that in it.
Looking over at Big Gav who was having difficulties reading the tiny print that showed the temperature of his urine...
after all we had been through...
I felt quite comfortable to reach across,
pick up his cup or urine,
bring it millimetres away from my own face,
so that I could read the small print and advise him...
"Gav, your pee's about 33.5'C"
"Thanks Tanya"
"No worries Gav"
It was just like asking your brother or sister to pass you the gravy across the dinner table.
Christine, as a trainer...
And the rest of us...
Obviously all passed with flying colours.
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