T's Non FIFO Blog #7
Having a little more time on my hands of late...
And being in Newcastle for longer than the former 7 day routine...
I've developed an inner shudder,
A real swollen and itchy bee- sting within.
It's now happened on a semi regular occurrence,
which means it wont be long before this little Italian princess wigz out better than Kayne and addresses the issue head on.
Stair climbing etiquette is what I'm talking about!
I know...
There is apparently apologies needed to be made to Indonesia,
Debt deficit ceilings that need to be raised,
And Toolie Tomic hanging out at Schoolies week.
But in T's town, this is just as high, if not higher on the "get your shit sorted agenda" as any other first world issue.
When I set off on my waddle/shuffle to soak up the great Newcastle coastline I pop the headphones in and think I'm a gazelle like figure (in reality I am completely aware I am far more like a gecko than a gazelle) floating across the top of pavements as they guide me along the beach front, up small ascends and towards small puppies that I can try and steal on my way.
When I hit the bottom of the towering stairs by the Ocean baths I know no matter the surroundings, they are, at the very least, unpleasant and in-fun. But the view at the top and as you descend back down is truly breathtaking (excuse the pun).
So you set off, step by step, baring the worst, yet thinking about the best views and wine you can now award yourself with afterwards.
But...
There it is again...
That inner burn...
No,
not lactic acid,
or lung failure,
But that inner itch for some serious stair etiquette!
So please, follow my below recently assembled to do's and not to do's if you wish not to find an Italian princess sweating up close and personal dishing out death stares as strong as baseball bats are on knee caps.
1) For the beautiful young ladies with thighs the same size as their ankles, you are simply are banned. Come back once you have been through puberty or have some kankles to attend too.
2) For all the non-perspiring, sweat gland removed, Lorna Jane wearing women that look the same at the top of the set of stairs as they do the bottom, with not even a glisten on their skin or dare I say sweat patch on their LJ attire, you are also banned. Consider yourselves black listed for life. There is no reform program for you that will enable re-entry.
3) To the Knights players, get off the god damn stairs and go play some catch.
4) To the Bootcampers. Love your dedication. But I doubt you think it would be OK to walk triple file up the stairs at the local mall when you're doing your weekly groceries so please, don't think the rules change because there aren't any dedicated express lane signs, barriers or security cameras to guide you to what's where and where to next. It's simple. Single file or be prepared to be reprimanded.
5) To the Personal Trainers, DO NOT yell words of encouragement to me if I am not your client. You complete moron. Know who is, and who is not paying you before you open your mouth.
6) Do climb shirtless if you have the physique of Hugh Jackman or have the little V thing happening around your hips, lower abs and pant line.
7) Do not climb stairs in speedos! Your package and people around you will not put up with this kind of lunacy.
8) Do not climb stairs without a sports bra (clause 1a: if you have bolt ones this does not apply) Free bouncing boobs are not acceptable in this environment.
9) To the kidlets that race up the stairs like it's a downhill waterside and repeat it four to five times sucking on an icypole when I am still on Round 2 and simply sucking in air. Great that you're outside and not on your Iphone or infront of a computer at home, but you will need to look at some time
management, which will be useful later on in life as your stair usage will be restricted to rain days only. Work with that and everything shall remain peachy.
10) To the small petite blonde who must have shares in the stairs as you eat those stairs as if they are an extra ripe mango, that just slides down, no chewing required... Just too easy and too tasty....
I hate you.
But Kudos to,you.
You. Are. A. Machine!
And I, just a mere gecko.
And being in Newcastle for longer than the former 7 day routine...
I've developed an inner shudder,
A real swollen and itchy bee- sting within.
It's now happened on a semi regular occurrence,
which means it wont be long before this little Italian princess wigz out better than Kayne and addresses the issue head on.
Stair climbing etiquette is what I'm talking about!
I know...
There is apparently apologies needed to be made to Indonesia,
Debt deficit ceilings that need to be raised,
And Toolie Tomic hanging out at Schoolies week.
But in T's town, this is just as high, if not higher on the "get your shit sorted agenda" as any other first world issue.
When I set off on my waddle/shuffle to soak up the great Newcastle coastline I pop the headphones in and think I'm a gazelle like figure (in reality I am completely aware I am far more like a gecko than a gazelle) floating across the top of pavements as they guide me along the beach front, up small ascends and towards small puppies that I can try and steal on my way.
When I hit the bottom of the towering stairs by the Ocean baths I know no matter the surroundings, they are, at the very least, unpleasant and in-fun. But the view at the top and as you descend back down is truly breathtaking (excuse the pun).
So you set off, step by step, baring the worst, yet thinking about the best views and wine you can now award yourself with afterwards.
But...
There it is again...
That inner burn...
No,
not lactic acid,
or lung failure,
But that inner itch for some serious stair etiquette!
So please, follow my below recently assembled to do's and not to do's if you wish not to find an Italian princess sweating up close and personal dishing out death stares as strong as baseball bats are on knee caps.
1) For the beautiful young ladies with thighs the same size as their ankles, you are simply are banned. Come back once you have been through puberty or have some kankles to attend too.
2) For all the non-perspiring, sweat gland removed, Lorna Jane wearing women that look the same at the top of the set of stairs as they do the bottom, with not even a glisten on their skin or dare I say sweat patch on their LJ attire, you are also banned. Consider yourselves black listed for life. There is no reform program for you that will enable re-entry.
3) To the Knights players, get off the god damn stairs and go play some catch.
4) To the Bootcampers. Love your dedication. But I doubt you think it would be OK to walk triple file up the stairs at the local mall when you're doing your weekly groceries so please, don't think the rules change because there aren't any dedicated express lane signs, barriers or security cameras to guide you to what's where and where to next. It's simple. Single file or be prepared to be reprimanded.
5) To the Personal Trainers, DO NOT yell words of encouragement to me if I am not your client. You complete moron. Know who is, and who is not paying you before you open your mouth.
6) Do climb shirtless if you have the physique of Hugh Jackman or have the little V thing happening around your hips, lower abs and pant line.
7) Do not climb stairs in speedos! Your package and people around you will not put up with this kind of lunacy.
8) Do not climb stairs without a sports bra (clause 1a: if you have bolt ones this does not apply) Free bouncing boobs are not acceptable in this environment.
9) To the kidlets that race up the stairs like it's a downhill waterside and repeat it four to five times sucking on an icypole when I am still on Round 2 and simply sucking in air. Great that you're outside and not on your Iphone or infront of a computer at home, but you will need to look at some time
management, which will be useful later on in life as your stair usage will be restricted to rain days only. Work with that and everything shall remain peachy.
10) To the small petite blonde who must have shares in the stairs as you eat those stairs as if they are an extra ripe mango, that just slides down, no chewing required... Just too easy and too tasty....
I hate you.
But Kudos to,you.
You. Are. A. Machine!
And I, just a mere gecko.
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