T's Come Back Blog #2

On some level you can understand why the little Aussie battler can get a bit lost in the vast open lands, seas and space of Planet Earth. Throw in a few clusters of humans, make some benchmark policies so we can form a society and being a battler can get pretty cra cra out there.

Life can be very tricky to decipher.

There are so many options,

Alternatives to consider,

And contradictions.

We state all men are created equal.

Exhibit a = Dwayne The Rock Johnson

Exhibit b = Clive Palmer

Both massive marrrrrrrsssssive units that can exude power.

But pppuuuuuurrrrrrrrllllllease!

Put the cowboy up against Hercules and old Brokeback doesn’t stand a chance.

A tiny tiny weeeeeee percentage of the population can make a living out of singing, and yet we have 17 046 TV shows on daily trying to convince us otherwise.

When a man gets sick,

I mean really on deaths door with Ebola... 

Sorry no, my mistake, I mean with man flu...

The whole universe needs to stop and maintain a vigilant bedside watch whilst he lay and try his very best to re-cooperate for 48-72hrs.

Yet this very same man, that was nearly about to go to the high heavens 1 day ago would also direct his son whom just fell off his skateboard on the driveway to "come over 'ere, I'll have a look at that sore forearm (because not only has he miraculously recovered form Ebola but he also studied and become a doctor), brush the grass off the kid and say, "You’ll be right buddy, back on your skatie"...

Too find out two weeks later the kid is still complaining of sore arm because he's been sporting a multiple fracture of his radius and ulna for the past 2 weeks!

We’re advised not to binge drink.

We're also advised to have alcohol free days.

Which is it??!??!?

Drink every night or don’t, and have to make up for it when you do?

Now I know this next one will rub a few people the wrong way.

So I will preface it by saying...

I understand the severity in SOME cases, but, let’s keep shit real here and remember this is a blog you’re probably reading to lighten your day, not part of Section 153(e) of a legislation being submitted to parliament.

We laugh at others misfortunes.

Yet we teach little tackers that poking and laughing at his mates wobbly fat bits is bullying.

Stop it!

I said earlier to get off you high horse and just take a moment to remember how hard you laugh when you watch a YouTube Video of a cat being all cute and cuddly, then just KaPOW, going nutso on it’s owners face scratching it and cat slapping it to death. 

Or when Jimmy Fallon impersonates a teenage girl with zits, braces, badly parted oily hair saying “like erck” or when somebody trips and you see them trying to save themselves by stretching their hands out in front of their body, whilst simultaneously arching their upper body back to try and counterweight themselves....

You’re laughing at this, let along when they actually hit the deck.

All the viral EPIC FAIL video’s when kids deck themselves off a spinning wheel in the playground, 

A pole-dancer axing herself on the pole.

And wobbly bits are funny...

Gut rolls,

Bouncy boobs,

Chubby cheeks that consume eye sockets when a tubby one laughs...

You know it - celebrate it.

When you were younger, you were told not to masturbate it’s bad for you and will make you go blind, but a few years may pass and then all of a sudden your allowed to do it to somebody else??!!!?! Will they go blind too??!?!?

Knuckle down and you’ll go far.

Can somebody please explain Kim Kardashians millions then??!??!?

Our bodies are built to move and yet we put kids that are too active of ADHD medication. Again – calm down – yes I am without child (for good reason) but stimulate and exhaust the little sucker, give em some dry bread to mung on and some water instead of a McHappy meal and whola! No more ADHD.

You start off in the world being able to poop and sleep whenever you like.

    You finish your life in the same state.

    Yet for the myriad of years in between its a no no?

     Hair – it’s just ironic all on it’s own.

 1) We all have it in different quantities and for the small portion of the body - the crown of our heads we pay good money to make it bounce, part in a certain way, be a certain colour(s), cover the left eyebrow, but not the right. And guys, don't think I’m talking about just the ladies here.       

2) Then we are quite happy to pay even more money to get the rest of it waxed (like – hot hot wax – that in the golden olden days used to be used as a torture tool) or lasered (we’re going all Star Trek style and we are now injecting real life lasers into our bodies) to get rid of the rest of it.

3) Then there are the Yer Yer’s of the world that pay to get MORE of it.

I hate birds and yet find myself living in a town with a massive bird egg monument.

 

Life – how ironic