T's Comeback Blog #4

Apparently I'm un-'strayain' because I don't love spending my summer surrounded by cricket.
I don't want to be AT the cricket,
Nor watch cricket,
Talk cricket,
Read about the cricket,
Or even pretend to care about the cricket.







To prove that there is no blind bias to my comments above,
Like people that say they hate oysters, but have never tried one.
I have 'tried' cricket...

I've been to the Gabba - a test game.

I've been to the SCG - albeit for Prince's Diamonds and Pearls concert.

I've bought an x boyfriend tightie whities to wear under his cricket pants,

I've followed Warnie on Twitter,

Yet still to do this day when I hear Richie, Slats or Kenny banging on and on about the great summer of cricket, my central nervous system actually seizes for a micro-second before relaxing into a moderate to semi-consciousness which is the only physical and mental state I can remain in to get through the GREAT Australian Summer of Schmicket.






When I was 3 I was called Mud Guts...
Because of my brown skin...
Flat nose...
And belly that dipped down over my bikini bottoms which meant I could pass as an Original Indigenous Australian Aborigine.

I grew up with a Labrador and Budgerigar.




My first car was a Holden Gemini...
SLX
With tan velour interior...
That had so much rust on the floor that dad had to weld a new floor in to it to pass rego.




I've been drunk and disorderly enough to remember the REAL Bourbon and Beefsteak...
In the Cross and wake up with a tattoo that you kinda wished looked a bit different. 




I've volunteered to serve my local community...
I joined the SES when I first moved to Newcastle.
Orange overalls...
Name tag...
I was ready!

(Made it through a few months...
Learned radio communications and how to use a chainsaw...
Didn't stick it out long enough to ride the rubber duckies out in the harbour...
Which is the only real reason  joined in the first place)





I've won over a VERY domineering..
VERY aggressive
And VERY faithful to only her owner cattle dog...
NOW, we're BFF's.




I've been to the nation's capital...
Performed at the Sydney Opera House...
Stood on a mine site...
And like many...
Would rather go back to Vegas than see Ayers Rock.




I've listened to the Top 100 on Australia Day for as long as I can remember...
Which to be honest would only be since my mid twenties when I discovered Triple J...
It took me a while to move on from Prince.




I'm living out the 'Australian dream' of building your own home...
Currently sporting some HORRENDOUS tradie tan marks...
Singlet and stubbie marks which make me look more like an Oreo Cookie than a TimTam.








Cricket is consumed by little boys with tight hamstrings, and bruised thumbs who aren't sure if they can come out and play.

HOT HOT days with plastic cups of luke warm and flat beer.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyys of a tiny ball being bowled with heaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaapppppppps of space for this ball, once struck to land.

You could just place catchers and fielders on a golf course and be done with both games.

To make the game even longer you have these so so cute little things called tea breaks.

To break up the boredom you do something called the MEXICAN wave.

Just to top things off, most aussie men choose to watch this over the tennis which is on at the same time of year and contains fit young women with good bods in shortie shorts or skirts where camera angles of panty shots and breast movement are free game.





So yer,

You're totes more Australian than me for loving cricket!

You idiots.