Fantiniville

My love of all things smaller than me I’m sure has been widely recognized by all around me. And I do not mean to bang on about it… However, After at least one or two prior encounters, I have just experienced another… Which confirms… ALDI is not only the place for bargain groceries (an easy saving of $20-$30 a week for single shoppers – all edible and have not broken out in a rash or anything so far) But it is also the breeding place of feral children. Everytime I go there, and there is a child there, they are being outrageous! Not always swarming in children, normally quite eerily quiet – which is a pleasant serene getaway whilst doing domestics, but honest to god, if I child is there, they are fungus growing by the microsecond! I’m not sure if they’re pumping some weird gas into the stores, but wow! Previously I have encountered a screaming young girl, pretty little navy dress, red bow in her hair and long dark locks. A little woglike chinadoll really. But, as soon I entered the store...

I think there is a time and place for up-selling, cross-selling, whatever you want to call it… I know, I know… Businesses need to make money. I’m all for it! I get it! For god sake – I even do it! Possibly, the extra little add on sale more often than not seems like they’re doing you a favour… Did you want some cream and hot fudge sauce on that double waffle cone you’ve just ordered??? Why are you crazy sir??? I most certainly do!!! Why don't you grab a pack of sweat proof sports socks to go with those new Nike’s you’ve just purchased??? How kind of you to offer – of course my little tootsies need them too! But when you’re renewing your pill prescription and get asked… Is there anything else you’d like with that? ????!!!! ##!!!!!!!???@#???? I mean…. **????##!!!**???!!? Seriously! Now, I may have been in a little bit of a mood... It’s been a long few days. I’ve got a so...

Here's an idea... Don't wear white when you visit the dentist. After your dentist has poked around a bit... and decided that that small amount of torture isn't really going to suffice... NOW they will need to give you a local anaesthetic ... so they can really, reeeally , rrrreeeeaaaallllly poke around... The local anaesthetic , I'm sure was explained to me as a small stingy pinch like sensation... So when I nearly high kicked him to the head, and this is from a 180' angle, I was lying flat on one of those funky bed chairs, trying to become engrossed in some Steve Carrell film that was on the TV on the ceiling, my foot basically could of done the dental work for him it jerked that god damn high off the chair, I realised that the trust between dentist and patient meant nothing to him. After the anaesthetic had taken effect, they poke around a bit more and then think it would be a good idea for you to wash all the crusty dry left overs, and your own blood from you...

To all the kiddies out there... Let this be a small gift, from me to you. More than likely my one and only gift to you as I really do not like little people... So read on. Be sponges. Absorb. Here are just some of the joys of being an adult... Papsmears! Yes - I started on a high note. The lovely reminders you get when your papsmear is due! The tone in your doctors PA's voice (PA for god sake - they're not even qualified to judge - yet - they do!) when you ring and ask for a prescription renewal, and they mention that you're overdue for a papsmear! Like I needed to make this call for you to tell me that! Replacing hot water elements - and not just telling mum and dad all the hot water has been used. Car services - and thinking you're smarter now, and deciding not to take your little go go mobile to the dealership so you don't get screwed over with outrageous costs - and you take it to your local mechanic who RAPES you instead!!! Apparently watching re-runs of Big Ba...

So... Here I am waiting in line at the local Leagues Club Bistro... I know.... The local Leagues Club on a Wednesday night!!! In downtown freakin Griffith NSW!!! I am setting all the trends... And startin to put the places to be, on the map! However... Back to the line at the bistro... As I stare at the menu on the chalkboard above the daily roast specials, I decide on a bit of chook (I know you're dissappointed- you probably wanted me to go the Roast Special with Gravy - never normally a fan to be quite honest) with some herb crusting, corn on the cob and vege's or salad... my choice! That took me all of about three minutes. To be fair, I have not yet decided on vege's or salad, but figured I'd leave a little bit of excitement for later when I approach the counter, place my order, and before the lovely lady hands me my little metal rod with plastic number perched on top, I have that moment of silence, just after she's asked me did I want chips and salad or vege...

Some may say I struggle with a few things in life... Time zones. Travel Directions. Personal Finances. I think I have just discovered something else to add to the list... I seem to be stuck with finding a hobby. I'm lost! I haven't had one in years! And I'm really not sure on how to find one. It's hard in your 30's! Working out has always been part of my job - so that never counted. Plus - you sound like a knob when people ask what you like doing outside of work and you say - "working out". Even when people say it to me - I think "Dickhead" Drinking and Catching up with Friends - Apparently not a hobby! However I like to think I am very good at that. But in all honesty - what do you answer when somebody asks what you like doing in your spare time. What are your interests??? I feel like turning around and stating... Well, you're asking a lady in her thirties what her hobbies are??? Where should I start. I'm not married so I like having se...

Yer Baby... Lookin Tidy.... Firstly... I'm not really sure this is a compliment when it's being shouted to you out the window of a beat up old corolla (not that there is anything wrong with corolla's) from a guy with black, and missing front teeth, who's eyes are still back in the seventies when he was a teenager and smokin his hash pipe. Secondly... I was at least three quarters of the way through my run/jog/shuffle/plod, so even my eyebrows were sweating. My hair was stuck to my neck and the side of my face. My shoulders were up around my ears and a was frothing at the mouth - to put it nicely. Therefore, looking far from "tidy". Thirdly... Due to the so very adorable (!) appearance of my new found admirerer I also thought he would shout this very same compliment to Barry Humphries if he were to jog by. So I continued my plod with a small nod of the head as if so say, yer I heard ya, but no, you don't really deserve acknowledging. To completely ...

This is how you imagine it... Sunfilled Sydney summer night. Girls night out on the agenda. Heels, dresses and tossled locks. Tall glasses packed with ice and cocktails being carried over by hot hot bar staff Dancing the night away with sexy moves and sexier tunes... But in reality... Getting ready... Humidity, hairdryers and long Italian locks do not mix. Hair had to be done in 5min intervals otherwise the sweat pouring from my forehead would drip and run back into the very same hair I had just washed. The beginning... A group of girls -instead of sitting seductively on the lounges, legs crossed, flashy high heels - sat with arms outreached and propped outwards, to the side - like you see in cartoons when somebody has two broken arms supported by two metal rods - and needing to fan the dresses from their legs upwards, ever so slightly, to circulate air to spots that desperating needed fanning. A group of dirty sanchez men, even though they were covered in a cloud of their own stale to...

The truth is always far more painful to say, yet far more pleasurable to deal with. What the??? A bit deep??? I know I'm not perfect. No where near, as many of you I know are biting at the opportunity to remind me about. I do recall being told to "visit the house of mirror's " once or twice throughout my working life. And I hear myself saying some of the very same things that were said to me as I "developed" as an industry professional, or better yet... leader within the business. BUT... And it is now a very big BUT, Where as if I had written this 12 months ago, it would of just been a But (one capital, 2 lower case) Now... It is all CAPITALS. When you are being assessed. Or your performance is being managed. Being appraised. Developed. Counselled. Whatever you wish to call it, or see it for that matter. Here's a tip... Answering "dunno" to why you (language warning) fucked up what it was that you (language warning) fucked up... just doesn'...

Not that we should do it... But I know I certainly do... I'm just getting a little pissed at myself as to how bad I'm getting at it when I REALLY Really, really wanted to get away with it! There is this one girl who I always seem to see out and about. Not everytime, but often enough. Last time she invaded my local. Now, I'm not saying I'm hilarious when I'm drunk, but I think you all can concur that I AM pretty damn funny (!!??!) But I think this time when I saw her, I was in the early stages of having the "casual" sip sip and she had been hitting it hard for hours on end. And I couldn't get rid of her. The semi goodbye's like cool, yer, we'll catch up about that next time (failed) Changing the subject that surely they cannot know about therefore join in on (failed) Excusing yourself for another drink run (failed) Moving tables (failed) It was a painful innings of blah blah ba blah blah BLAH. To say it nicely... she needed to be shot that night...

I'm not sure if I'm jumping on the "politically correct" bandwagon. I truly hope I'm not! God forbid that would mean I'm seriously old But... I'm a little confused. Disturbed. Unsure. On Warning signs. Warning signs before a speed bump.I get it. A good necessity really. Warning signs of up coming speed camera's. Best invention ever now that I know they are there. Cling wrap sticker saying you only have 5 meters left. Good. Handy Low battery beep on your mobs. Good. How do these things come about? Is there a suggestion poll? Cause there are some real shit ones I'd like to comment about. And a hell lot more necessary ones we require. Bad language warning for songs. NN (not necessary) Half the time you can't understand what they're saying anyway. And when and if you do catch the swear word, it's bloody hilarious. Old School and The Hangover wedding scenes prove this point. Warning of extra ATM fee. NN . If we need money do we really car...